Unpacking Money Stress: A Holistic Approach to Tax Season & Your Relationship with Money
For many of us, tax season brings a familiar pit-in-the-stomach feeling: tension, overwhelm, maybe even dread. Whether it’s anxiety about what we owe, shame about how we’ve spent, or confusion about where our money actually goes, financial stress can feel like a storm cloud that follows us into every corner of life.
As holistic therapists, we’ve noticed how deeply money stress touches the nervous system. It can feel like chronic low-grade fear, like grief, or even like numbness. It’s not just about numbers – it’s about beliefs, nervous system wiring, and the survival response we learned growing up.
So, in this blog, we aim to slow it all down and take a compassionate look at where money stress comes from and how we can begin to heal it.
Where Money Stress Comes From
Money stress isn’t just about how much you make or how well you budget. It’s often rooted in deeper beliefs and nervous system responses shaped by your upbringing, cultural messaging, and life experiences.
Money Beliefs Start Early
Maybe you grew up hearing things like:
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
“We can’t afford that.”
“Rich people are greedy.”
“If you were better with money, you wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“Money solves problems.”
“We don’t talk about money.”
“Don’t flaunt it.”
“You’ll inherit this one day, so be careful.”
“Protect the family legacy.”
These messages often live under the surface and silently shape how we interact with money present day. And, keep in mind, not all messages that our minds and bodies absorb about money are explicit. Some are implicit like…
Feeling the tension between your parents as they argued over money
Sensing the energy shift when you asked for lunch money to go out with your friends in high school
Your caregivers being exhausted all the time due to working multiple jobs in order to get by
Feeling the inauthenticity in your home environment and the distrust your parents had toward other people because they were wealthy and thought people always wanted something from them or were after their money.
Even if you’ve grown beyond those childhood moments intellectually, your body and nervous system might still be reacting to money as if it’s unsafe, scarce, something to be protected at all costs, or shameful.
Money Stress Lives in the Body
Our nervous systems interpret money issues as threats to safety because in our modern world money is the thing that keeps a roof over our heads and food on the table. That’s why checking your bank account can trigger panic, or why financial conversations can lead to shutdown, avoidance and conflict. When it comes to money, it’s so important to remember that it’s not about selfishness, laziness or irresponsibility – it’s about nervous system regulation and safety.
Common Limiting Beliefs That Drive Money Stress
Some common beliefs we tend to hear as holistic therapists include:
“I’m just bad with money.”
“There’s never enough.”
“I’ll never get ahead.”
“I don’t deserve wealth.”
“Money doesn’t matter to me.”
“My worth is tied to my wealth.”
“People only like me for my money.”
“I’m not allowed to struggle or ask for help.”
“I didn’t earn this, so I don’t deserve it.”
“Being rich makes me a bad or selfish person.”
These beliefs tend to operate in the background, driving unconscious behaviors like:
Avoiding bank statements and tax documents
Restricting spending out of fear, even on things that matter
Overspending or impulse buying to soothe stress
Judging or criticizing others’ spending habits
Feeling shame about debt or not having savings
Saying, “I don’t care about money,” when the truth is: you do, but it feels painful to admit
Always picking up the check to “earn” love or belonging
Lying or omitting details about your background to avoid feeling judged or embarrassed when others find out you are wealthy
Chasing high-paying or prestigious roles even when they are unfulfilling to you
How to Identify Your Money Beliefs
Here are a few reflective prompts to help you notice the stories you carry around money:
What’s the first memory you have about money? Take a moment, center yourself, let your mind go and see what memory it brings you (write it down).
What messages did your caregivers give you about money, directly or indirectly?
What do you feel in your body when you think about looking at your bank account or doing your taxes?
Complete the sentence: “Money is _______________.” (Then ask: “What makes me believe that? Or, how did I get to that conclusion?”
Common Ways We Cope With Money Stress
It’s important to name the coping strategies many of us humans have developed in relation to money with compassion. It’s important to not judge and remember that these ways of coping were tools your inner system once needed to get through the situation you were in.
Here are some we see often:
Avoidance: Not opening bills, ignoring bank accounts, procrastinating taxes, avoiding money topics in conversations, not budgeting, pushing off debt and financial conversations.
Over-Control: Hypervigilant budgeting, never allowing “unnecessary” spending, feeling unsafe spending even on basic needs or joy, constantly thinking about money and worst-case scenarios.
Emotional or Impulse Spending: Using shopping to escape,soothe or distract from emotional pain and also to reward yourself. Continuously spending money to create comfort for yourself rather than allowing yourself to experience discomfort.
Minimizing: Telling yourself money doesn’t matter when it actually does. Saying, “I didn’t get into this line of work for the money” denying the importance of money.
Externalizing: Criticizing others for how they spend, to deflect from your own discomfort.
Overworking: Working hard to feel like you’ve “earned” the wealth you inherited, or struggling to allow yourself to rest or receive support without shame. Equating busyness with security or value.
Under-Earning or Undervaluing: Staying in underpaid jobs out of fear or loyalty. Not negotiating raises or charging what you’re worth. Believe you have to “suffer” to be good or responsible.
Giving Excessively or Performatively: Giving away, donating or using philanthropy as ways to ease emotional discomfort of being wealthy rather than creating real connection and change.
Codependence or Financial Enmeshment: Relying on others for financial rescue or stability. Staying in relationships or unhealthy family dynamics so you don’t get cut off financially now or in the future.
Rebelling Against Wealth: Rejecting money, choosing a simple life and making a point of not needing money even when it’s readily available to you.
Disconnection or Fatalism: Believing you’ll never get ahead, so why try? Being disconnected from long-term vision or future planning.
Can you relate to any of these ways of coping? (Most of us can.)
Healing Your Relationship With Money: Holistic Tools & Practices
Healing your relationship with money is a process, not a quick fix. It’s about reconnecting with your body, reshaping your beliefs, and learning new ways to relate to money that feel grounded and aligned with your values.
Here are some concrete tools to try:
Money Mapping - This is a practice of tracking where your money goes – not to judge, but to understand. Look at your bank statements and ask:
Where is my money actually going?
How do I feel about these purchases?
Which ones align with my values?
Which ones reflect impulse, fear, numbing, or avoidance?
Quick Tip: Create categories like “soul-giving”, “survival”, “numbing,” and “auto-pilot”. This helps you move from shame to curiosity.
Somatic Awareness - When financial stress shows up, pause and ask:
What’s happening in my body right now?
Can I offer myself support – maybe a hand on the heart, a deep breath, or grounding through my feet?
You can’t budget your way out of a dysregulated nervous system. You’ve got to show your nervous system that you are in fact safe by engaging in regulation strategies that speak directly to your body and return your nervous system to safety or homeostasis – then, clarity will follow.
Values-Based Spending - Ask yourself:
What do I actually value? What matters most to me at my core?
Does my spending reflect those values?
For example, if you value connection, but spend little on social or community-based experiences, that might be an area to re-align.
Rewriting Money Beliefs - Once you’ve identified a limiting money belief, try writing its opposite.
Old Belief: “There’s never enough.”
New Belief: “There is enough to go around; my needs will be met.”
If you find yourself having a hard time believing and feeling your new belief, try using a process-belief. You’ll know you don’t believe your new belief when your body resists it, argues with it, rolls its eyes at it, etc. A process-belief is a new belief “in process” i.e. it’s the interim belief that we can feel as true in our bodies as we make our way to our new belief.
Process Belief: “There were times in my life when there wasn’t enough and I am learning to trust that my needs will be met.”
Create a Money Date Ritual - Set aside 15-30 minutes once a week to spend time with and tend to your money – review spending, check in with intentions, pay bills. Light a candle, play music…make it as gentle, nurturing and enjoyable as possible.
Remember, the goal is to shift your relationship with money; it’s consistency over perfection.
Closing Thoughts
Tax season might always carry some stress – but it can also be a yearly invitation to tend to your financial well-being with compassion and care.
You don’t have to be perfect with money to build a healthier relationship with it. You just have to be willing to get curious, stay connected to your body, and take one step at a time.
Your relationship with money is just that – a relationship. And like any relationship, it can grow, heal, and become a source of safety and support over time.
Many people struggle to rewrite their limiting beliefs on their own, because this “rewriting process” is not purely intellectual. Our bodies and nervous systems must be involved in order for us to untangle from the old beliefs and neural networks that support them, and then build new beliefs and neural networks. It can be incredibly useful to work with a holistic, somatically trained therapist when it comes to rewriting limiting beliefs and actually feeling different about money. If you’re ready to receive compassion, connection, support and guidance in rewriting your money beliefs, we got you – just click the “contact” tab in the upper right-hand corner of our website, submit your contact form and we will be in touch ASAP!