Why Somatic Therapy is Particularly Effective for Anxiety

If you’re living with chronic anxiety, it’s likely that you have also tried therapy before. You’ve invested the time, energy and money into developing insight and high levels of self-awareness, so you know “the why” behind your anxiety. 

And…..there was a point in therapy where you plateaued. You explored, you learned and you understand why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling but you still can’t CHANGE the way you’re feeling. It’s SO frustrating!

Sound about right?

We are sharing this because this experience is all too common. 

While it has its usefulness, traditional talk therapy can only take you so far. Since traditional talk therapy relies on thought-based methods (CBT, DBT, psychoanalysis, talking, reading, podcasts, journaling, etc.) it can really only help you process on an intellectual level. 

As humans we do need to build insight and intellectually understand our experiences, but that is not the only level we need to process on. We also need to process things on a body and soul level for deep healing and lasting change to occur. 

To truly heal from chronic anxiety your body MUST be involved because your body is the vessel through which you experience life and the experiences you have literally leave imprints inside your body. These “imprints” are why you have chronic muscle tension, feel keyed-up or on-edge and experience repetitive, racing thoughts (aka overthinking) way more often than not.

Anxiety is an over-activated energetic state in the nervous system i.e. a flight response. Our nervous systems OVER-activate when a real or perceived threat to our safety has been detected by the amygdala in the brain and as humans, we have many layers of safety (physical safety, emotional safety, social safety, etc.). 

As you know, it’s possible to understand why you’re feeling anxious but not actually feel any different, so it’s crucial to…

1. Learn how to detect and interpret the sensations from your body

2. Learn, practice and integrate regulation tools that that speak directly to your nervous system (body) 

3. Use somatic regulation tools to stay present long enough to complete unfinished stress responses that have been living inside your body and feel all the way through your emotions so they release from your body

This is how you make that leap from knowing something in your thoughts to actually FEELING better.

As embodiment therapists we use the wisdom of the body and energetic power of the nervous system to create LASTING healing and change. We can help you get out of your head and into your body so you can first feel and release all the old pain and patterns which then creates the internal space for you to step fully into your power. When you live your life rooted in your power you’ll feel calm, clear and confident!

So, if you've tried talk therapy before and felt like something was missing. WE GOT YOU! Just click the “Contact” tab in the upper right hand corner of our website, submit a contact form (5 minutes or less!) and we will reach out to ASAP to schedule a FREE 45 minute consultation. 

Ready to try somatic therapy to kick your anxiety? Connect with us for a consultation at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

5 Steps to Regulating, Reducing & Healing Anxiety

Sometimes, when you’re living with chronic anxiety, you can get to the point of resigning to living an anxious life. You might hear yourself say things like, “Welp, this is my lot in life…I’m just an anxious person and there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

We GET IT and those feelings of exhaustion and urges to resign are valid. And, we want you to know that there are ways to regulate and heal your anxiety that are completely GAME CHANGING. 

And we know. A part of you might be rolling your eyes, skeptical and thinking, “What makes this blog post any different than ALL the other blog posts I’ve already read on how to cope and manage my anxiety?” That’s fair. We encourage critical thinking. 

This post is different because 4 out of the 5 tips are somatic and embodiment based strategies that get you OUT of your head and into your body which is SO needed when it comes to anxiety. And the other awesome thing about this post? We don’t expect you to just take our word for it. Go EXPERIENCE these 5 tips and feel it for yourself. 

1. Learn about your autonomic nervous system & your emotional window of tolerance - The autonomic nervous system is a branch of the central nervous system and it plays a MAJOR role in various energetic/emotional states including anxiety. The autonomic nervous system is made up of two branches, the sympathetic branch and the parasympathetic branch, which should be working in tandem with each other. In the case of chronic anxiety the sympathetic branch is dominant which is why things feel so fast, amped up and chaotic. The emotional window of tolerance is a framework that helps us gain clarity about what is happening in our nervous system and the path to repair. 

2. Use mindfulness  to develop your interoception & proprioception - Simply put, mindfulness is paying attention to your present moment experience. When we learn to direct our attention vs. our attention directing us, we can begin to develop our interoceptive and proprioceptive abilities which are needed to regulate and reduce anxiety. Interoception is the skill of sensing and feeling things from the inside like your heartbeat, muscle tension, energy and blood flow, where emotions show up in your body and the sensations/images/thoughts/stories associated with those emotions. Proprioception is the body’s ability to sense its own position, movement, and spatial orientation without relying on external stimuli. Proprioception helps reduce anxiety (a fear based emotion) by promoting a sense grounding and connection within the body and also the body’s relationship to the world around it providing a sense of safety and stability. 

3. Learn, practice & integrate somatic tools to regulate your energy - There are various body-based tools that we have found through research and in working with folks that regulate energy and rewire internal circuitry thus decreasing anxiety. These somatic tools (shaking, stomping, pushing, pillow slams, sighing, singing, humming, heel drops, spinal movements, eye placement, etc.) speak directly to the autonomic nervous system whereas thought-based strategies like reframing, journaling, talking things through etc. don’t. Once your nervous system has issued a stress response (which is what anxiety is) thinking your way out of that energetic/emotional state is not effective. It would be like someone giving you commands in a language you don’t speak, it just doesn’t compute. We gotta learn to speak the language of our nervous system in order to reduce and heal anxiety. 

4. Hierarchical experience breakdown - Once you’ve got a handle on your emotional window of tolerance, the “go to” reactions of your autonomic nervous system and specific somatic tools to move and direct your energy, it’s time for exposure. Even though your anxiety would like you to just avoid situations that make you afraid, that doesn’t actually help you reduce and heal your anxiety. Instead, select a situation you know makes you anxious and break it down into smaller steps. Then, challenge yourself to complete the first step and use your somatic regulation tools to help you. Sometimes you’ll need to repeat the same step a number of times until your nervous system has rewired and begins to read the situation as less threatening. You’ll be able to feel a decrease in the level at which your body is responding to that perceived threat. It’s important to note that you may never find that situation FULLY enjoyable but you will be able to do it, stay present for it and not feel SO drained afterwards. 

5. Develop and embody genuine curiosity & compassion toward your anxiety - At our cores, humans are innately curious and compassionate and an important step to reducing anxiety is relating to it with GENUINE curiosity and compassion. This one can be tough because most of us HATE our anxiety and what it’s done to our lives. But, like anything else on planet Earth, healing and growth cannot take place under unrelenting, harsh conditions like criticism and hatred. It’s CRUCIAL to build an understanding and loving relationship with the anxious part of you so this part of you feels safe to let go of the old ways of doing things and grow into the new ways of doing things. 

6. Identify & release the limiting beliefs driving your anxiety - This step is MOST successful in the presence of a compassionate witness and guide as it can be near impossible to see our own blind spots. The beliefs we hold inside to be true can become so normal and “protective” to us that we can struggle to see why we need to let go of them. Underneath all anxiety are beliefs that are being treated as the truth that continue to drive anxious sensations and feelings. Examples of these beliefs are: “The world is unsafe”, “Other people cannot be trusted”, “I am not enough”.

So….go ahead, go on and get out there - give these 5 tips a try! And, when your anxiety (fear) starts getting in the way of you trying these tips, remember the wise words of Ram Dass “...when you are just in the moment, doing what you are doing, there is no fear. The fear is when you stand back to think about it. The fear is not in the actions. The fear is in the thought about the actions.” 

Ready to finally regulate your anxiety? Connect with us for a consultation at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

Breaking Down Anxiety: Demystifying the Invisible Struggle

It’s likely that you or someone close to you lives with anxiety and even though anxiety is so ubiquitous now-a-days, very few of us have a real grasp on what it actually is and what it really means to live day-in and day-out with anxiety.

That’s where we come in. We are here to break down what anxiety actually is so you can have a better sense of what may be going on for you or those you care about. 

When someone says “I have anxiety” they are likely experiencing the following symptoms:

• Chronic worry or “overthinking”, living life “in your head”

• Repetitive, cyclical or racing thoughts that are intrusive i.e. you’re not trying to think about those things, they just come in

• Regularly feeling restless or on edge in your body

• Difficulty concentrating, difficulty being and feeling present most of the time

• Chronic muscle tension (typically shoulders, neck, jaw, temples, legs & hips)

• Chronic fatigue or feeling tired more often than not

• Irritability, often feeling annoyed

• Difficulty sleeping - falling asleep and/or staying asleep

• Avoidance of certain situations or activities

• Panic attacks (sudden onset of instear fear or discomfort - can manifest physically, mentally or both)

Oooof! Let’s take a moment to acknowledge how anxiety makes living and functioning incredibly exhausting and difficult. Let’s move forward with compassion in our hearts for ourselves and those we care about who are living with anxiety. 

Even though you may hate your anxiety, the emotion of anxiety does have a purpose. Anxiety exists on the fear spectrum with terror on one end and slightly nervous on the other end. Essentially, anxiety is your body’s alarm system. Its job is to alert you to potential threats in your internal and external environments just like a smoke alarm warns you of a potential fire.

Anxiety does it’s job by triggering a cascade of physiological reactions in the body like releasing adrenaline and cortisol, increasing your heart rate and breathing, tensing your muscles, heightening your alertness, dilating your pupils…all in the name of preparing you to survive the perceived threats. 

Sounds delightful, right? Just kidding. We know personally and professionally that living with anxiety is frustrating, exhausting and painful. We also understand that those living with anxiety rarely feel truly seen in their struggle by loved ones and society due to the phenomenon of “normalization”. 

Normalization occurs when something becomes so common that it is no longer perceived as noteworthy or deserving of attention. Which, in our opinion, is bullshit. Just because so many of us are now living with anxiety, it doesn’t mean that living with anxiety has suddenly gotten easy or that it’s not deserving of attention and care.  

You might be wondering, well if my anxiety is “doing it’s job” then what? Do I just have to accept this way of life? 

No, you do not! You deserve so much more than a small, anxious existence. 

What tends to happen with chronic anxiety, or, anxiety disorders is the autonomic nervous system gets stuck in “alarm mode” and it’s sending alarm signals for almost everything and anything vs. truly dangerous situations.

While we need the emotion of fear or anxiety to survive, we don’t need to be experiencing partial or full blown stress responses when the situation isn’t life or death. It is possible to retrain our inner systems to dial back the level at which they are responding to day-to-day stressors so that we can feel more clear, present and settled in our lives. 

Clear, present and settled…sounds good huh? Stay tuned here on Brave Embodiment’s blog for 5 steps to reducing & healing your anxiety and to see why somatic therapy is particularly effective for anxiety.

Ready to better understand and heal from anxiety? Connect with us for a consultation at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

The Mania of Spring

Have you been loving the beautiful, sunny weather we have been having lately?! 

Are you pumped that it’s light out until 7:00pm?!  

Can you feel that rush of energy running through your body?!

Yeah, us too :) 

Coming off of Winter where it's darker and the days are shorter, Spring energy can feel SO GOOD! And, BECAUSE we are coming off of Winter, we can also feel tired and wired - feeling driven to do something but not sure what….

The Winter solstice in December is the shortest day of the year and the days progressively get longer until the Summer solstice in June which is the longest day of the year.The fastest rate of change in daylight happens around the equinox (March 20th and September 20th) the points where there are equal hours of day and night.

This fast rate of change can impact our internal systems and energy which is why some people experience heightened symptoms of mania or hypomania this time of year. Here are some other common impacts of these quick seasonal changes in light, temperature and environment:

• Increased workload 

• Overscheduling yourself and/or over-committing to plans

• Avoiding "adulting" tasks because they are boring or you lack the time

• Going all week & weekend and constantly feeling tired

• Feeling overwhelmed and/or increased anxiety and therefore less presence

• Pre-planning all your Summer weekends and forgetting about the necessity of down time and self-care

What are your Springtime tendencies?

Grounding in the Midst of Spring Mania

Grounding, or rooting down, can be particularly useful this time of year. 

Grounding is a coping skill used to root yourself back into the present moment by redirecting your attention away from the mania of Spring and focusing it on your in-the-moment experience. 

There are different types of grounding such as mental grounding where you focus on the mind (counting backwards by 3’s), physical grounding where you focus on your body and your five senses, and soothing grounding where you relate to yourself with kindness and compassion (“This is hard right now and I’m proud of myself for not giving up”). 

Grounding can help when you get overwhelmed with a particular energy or emotional state by redirecting your attention onto something neutral or positive. Remember, energy flows where your attention goes, so if you’d rather not feel so overwhelmed by the energy of Spring try grounding!

Check out this physical (embodied) grounding practice called “The Tree Meditation” by clicking the link below. If you’re a nature lover, you’ll LOVE this one! 

LINK: https://insighttimer.com/bravecounseling/guided-meditations/grounded-meditation-the-tree

https://tinyurl.com/Grounding-Meditation-The-Tree

Therapist Highlight: Michelle Thomason

Meet the deep wellspring that is Michelle Thomason.

Michelle is a licensed professional counselor in Colorado who is passionate about helping folks find the right kinds of healing techniques so they can unleash their strengths to discover and tap into their full potential.

Her clinical background consists of working therapeutically with kids, teens & adults in a variety of settings including community mental health, educational resource centers,  residential facilities and private practice.

Michelle's approach is strengths-based, trauma informed and body & client-centered. She is trained in EMDR, Brainspotting, Gestalt Therapy, Gestalt Play Therapy, CBT, Applied Behavioral Analysis and therapeutic modalities utilizing art and music. She also has a passion for and experience with animal assisted approaches involving dolphins, canines, and horses.

Currently, Michelle specializes in...

• Guiding clients through deep-rooted trauma processing

• Offering individualized coping skills for clients seeking support with trauma work, self-acceptance, inner child work, betrayal trauma & somatic awareness

• Providing a balanced and creative therapy space of transparency, empathy, and compassion

• Utilizing her therapy dog Rex to assist with therapy sessions. (Rex has received specialized training to become a therapy dog and he is very compassionate, affectionate, and attuned)

Michelle as a person↓

• Personality: Animal Lover, Empath, Public-Spirited

• Activities: Anything ocean related, learning through other's cultures, traveling, comedy, reading, outdoor activities

• Foods: Nicaraguan, Italian, Greek

• Travels: New Zealand, Central America, Parts of Europe and would like to visit South America & Australia

• Quotes: "The most important things in life aren't things" - Anthony J. D'Angelo  and "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." - Dumbledore

• Pets: Therapy dog Rex
  
  
  

Want to try out IFS? Connect with us for a consultation at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

What is IFS (Internal Family Systems)?

This week, we will be taking a look at Internal Family Systems (IFS).

So what exactly is IFS?

Well, it is an integrative, evidence-based modality developed by Richard Schwartz that assumes:

• We all have multiple sub-personalities, or parts of self

•  All parts have positive intentions

• Everyone has a source of infinite wisdom, compassion, and courage called the Self 

• Some Parts take on extreme roles due to stress and trauma

• The way we relate to our internal system affects our sense of internal and external wellness

You know the movie Inside Out, where the little girl has different characters in her head who take control depending on what situation she is in? Yeah, its a lot like that. 
Schwartz breaks down our internal system into the Self and three categories of parts. Check out the diagram below:

Some Important takeaways:

•  Managers and Firefighters are both Protectors that try to keep us safe from pain and uncomfortable emotions

• Exiles are parts that hold difficult emotions and have been pushed away, or exiled, from the rest of the system. A lot of times, protectors highly dislike these parts

• The Self can not be destroyed. At your core, you have an infinite source of wisdom, understanding, and stability. HOW COOL!

What Does an IFS Session Look Like?

Ok, so it's great IFS has all of these ideas but what does an actual IFS session look like? 

Let's take a look at the steps: 

1) Check-in about current experiences

Goal: Figure out which parts are most present ( i.e. blended with the Self) 

Are you mad at your boss?

Are you having difficulty making a decision? 

Are you unable to decrease your anxiety but don't know why? 

Ok, let's go back to Inside Out. Remember how there were different parts (ex. anger, joy, sadness) that took control at certain times? It's like your therapist is checking to see which part(s) have fully or partially taken control.

2) Engage in Meditation/Visualization/Body Scan

Goal: Access Self  and get distance from the parts that are taking over (i.e. unblend from parts) 

There are many ways to access Self and your therapist will typically guide you through an exercise to do so. Many times, this includes aspects of meditation, mindfulness, and visualizations. 

You know you are in Self when you experience the 8 C's. Click here to learn more about them. 

3) Engage in internal dialogue with your activated parts

Goal: Get an understanding of the parts' messages and what they need

Ok, ok, ok...we know how this sounds. Bear with us though! 

Your clinician will walk you through a step-by-step process to get to know your parts.

Some things you might learn about them:

• How the part came to be

• What role it plays in your system (ex. manager, firefighter, exile)

• What it needs to share with you 

• What it needs from you to feel better

4) Invite Self to witness Exile's childhood origin story

Goal: Heal pain and release limiting beliefs (i.e. retrieve and unburden Exile)

If you have successfully come to know and build trust with your parts, you may be able to access an Exile's childhood origin story. Through visualization and internal dialogue, you will bear witness to the exile's pain, reparent it, and retrieve it from the past to bring to the present. 

This deeper healing work is what releases old pain, erases limiting beliefs, and creates more harmony in the internal system. Many clients report feeling a greater sense of ease, confidence, and self-trust after this type of work!

As a reminder, these are examples of possible steps an IFS therapist may take in session. Each therapist has their unique approach to parts work, which is part (see what we did there?) of what makes the therapeutic process special.

If you'd like to learn more about IFS and its processes, click here.

Want to try out IFS? Connect with us for a consultation at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

What is an Attachment Style?

Your attachment style is the way you connect with and relate to others in your life.

You are born with an innate attachment system designed to help you get your physical and emotional needs met by your caregivers. The way your primary caregivers respond (or do not respond) to meeting your needs shapes how you understand close relationships as you grow older. 

This becomes a relational “blueprint”, which is wired in your brain, body, and nervous system and typically determines how you  interact in all future relationships.

If your caregivers took care of your needs enough (studies show about 30% of the time), your attachment system determined that most people are reliable and safe. You developed what is called a secure attachment style. 

If your caregivers failed to meet your needs or acted in an unsafe manner when you expressed your needs, your system may have determined that those closest to you were not safe, reliable or secure. Your attachment style is called insecure. 

Overall, there are 4 main attachment styles. Below we’ll take a brief look at each.

Secure Attachment

Like we mentioned, secure attachment happens when you can trust your caregiver will consistently and safely meet your physical AND emotional needs. 

As a child, when you cried, you were consoled. When it was dinner time, you were fed. Your caregivers took the time to “tune into” what you needed.

As an adult, you are generally willing to trust others, initiate and accept conflict resolution, and comfortably express your needs.  

Other characteristics of secure attachment in adults include:

-A strong sense of respect for self and others

-Set and maintain boundaries dependent on own needs

-Can experience empathy and compassion for self and others

-Intimacy and commitment is welcomed 

Avoidant Attachment

If your caregivers were unavailable, insensitive of, or rejected your needs as a child, then your attachment system learned to disconnect-or avoid-emotional and physical closeness.

As a child, you and your nervous system learned you could not rely on others to get your needs met. 

As an adult, you may believe you are on your own. Asking for help can feel incredibly uncomfortable. 

Other characteristics of avoidant attachment in adults include:

-high sense of independence

-sabotaging relationships to avoid intimacy

-high standards for others 

-difficulty expressing feelings to others

Ambivalent/Anxious

If your caregivers were inconsistent with their ability to meet your needs, you learned that connection with them was not guaranteed. As a result, you learned to be extra aware of their behaviors and mannerisms in order to figure out what would work best to get their attention.

As a child, you learned to put others' needs before your own. You also may have become anxious or fearful when your caregivers left.

As an adult, you struggle to trust yourself. You deeply desire connection while also fearing abandonment.

Other characteristics of ambivalent/anxious attachment in adults include:

-Holding others to unrealistically high standards

-Difficulty self-regulating

-Anxiety or fear when partner is not there

-Difficulty expressing needs to others (frequently looks like complaining or criticizing)

Disorganized Attachment (Fearful-Avoidant) 

If your caregivers were a source of fear, perhaps due to chaos or abuse, your attachment system became wrapped up in your threat response of fight/flight/freeze. This can result in a disorganized (also known as fearful-avoidant).

As a child, you may have frequently been on edge. You desperately wanted attention from your caregivers but also feared what their response would be. 

As an adult, you may want close relationships while also fearing intimacy. This can result in a “see-saw” of emotions and behaviors, almost like one minute you are open and receptive, and the next moment you are withdrawn and anxious.

Other characteristics of disorganized attachment in adults include:

-Believing that relationships will ultimately fail

-Difficulty regulating with self and others 

-Constantly on edge for  shifts in other’s moods 

-Confusion about own emotions and relationships in general

Important Note: Attachment styles are NOT set in stone. In fact, we may even attach differently depending on who the relationship is with. Working with a therapist who understands attachment styles can help you move from your old ways of relating to a more secure approach. 

Want to work on healing from attachment wounds? Connect with us for a consultation at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

What is EMDR?

Today we will be diving into the therapeutic technique called Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR).

You may be asking yourself, "Um, what?" or maybe you've heard of it but still have no idea what EMDR actually is.

Either way, not to worry! We're here to break it down. We find its easiest to go word by word:

Eye Movement- Ever notice that when you're thinking hard or trying to make sense of something, your eyes begin to quickly move back and forth?

The founder of EMDR, Francine Shapiro, noticed this too.

Turns out, when you create bilateral stimulation (AKA you activate both sides of your brain) such as by making those eye movements, it becomes easier to work through difficult thoughts and emotions.

So, in traditional EMDR sessions, clients were directed (by a therapist's hands) to move their eyes from left-right at a predetermined speed to mimic that natural processing reflex we all have.

Turns out other types of bilateral stimulation such as sounds and sensations can create the same effect.  So now, things like tapping, hand-held buzzers, and even music can be incorporated into a session.

Desensitization- As you begin the bilateral stimulation,  you are also asked to target, or focus on, on a disturbing memory or sensation.

Part of what bilateral stimulation does is make it easier for you to handle really difficult thoughts and feelings. So as you focus on this target and continue the bilateral stimulation, the memories becomes less distressing to think about.

This begins the desensitization process.

Reprocessing-Did you know that traumatic memories are stored in a different part of the brain than "regular" memories?

Bilateral stimulation also allows you to move these traumatic memories from the fear center of your brain to where all of your other typical memories are stored. This is what "reprocessing" refers to.

This makes it so things like intrusive thoughts, constant triggers, and even changes in mood decrease. Because of this, reprocessing is also crucial to fully experience desensitization.

Through this process, traumatic memories that used to be tied with strong "emotional charges" and negative beliefs can transform into neutral recollections which you can make reasonable meaning out of. Ultimately, the goal of EMDR is to heal your mind rom the mental injury caused by a traumatic event.

Clients who have undergone EMDR therapy typically report outcomes such as: 

• Experience less distress when recalling certain memories

• Decreased worry

• Distancing effect (memories seem further away) 

• Increased sense of safety

• Increased nervous system regulation
   

Want to read more about the effectiveness of EMDR? Check out these resources: 

Is EMDR Effective? 

The Role of EMDR Therapy in Medicine

What Does an EMDR Session Look Like?

If you were to actually attend an EMDR session, what would that look like? Well, it depends.

For one, sessions can either last 60-90 minutes long.

On top of that, there are 8 Phases of EMDR Treatment. They are:

1. History and Treatment Planning
2. Preparation
3. Assessment
4. Desensitization
5. Installation
6. Body Scan
7. Closure
8. Reevaluation 

Each phase has a standardized technique the therapist must follow. 

Depending on the phase, you may simply be speaking with the therapist or engaging in bilateral stimulation.
The length of the process is dependent on the client and the memories they are targeting.

For a full breakdown of each phase and more info about an EMDR session, click here

Light Stream: A Guided Meditation

Find a comfortable place where you will remain uninterrupted for the next 10 minutes. 

If it feels OK, go ahead and soften your gaze or close your eyes. 

Next, envision your favorite color that represents healing. 

Imagine that this favorite colored light is coming in through the top of your head. 

As the light continues to pour in, allow it to gently and easily fill your entire head.

Perhaps it descends through your neck, into your shoulders, and down your arms into your hands and out of your fingertips.

Maybe it moves down your neck, into the trunk of your body, easily and gently.

What if it descends down into your hips, stream down your legs and flows out your feet. 

Allow yourself to experience this healing light flow through your entire body, from the top of your head and out of your fingertips and toetips. 

Spend a few more moments allowing your body to completely relax in this sense of peace and calm.

When you feel as though all tension has left your body, take a deep breath, gently wiggle your fingers and toes, and slowly open yours.

Enjoy this sense of calm for the remainder of the day, knowing you can revisit this healing color at any time.

Ready to try EMDR? Connect with us for a consultation at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

Re-Introducing Brave Embodiment Counseling

Hello Brave Community!

You may be someone who has been part of our Brave Community for a while now, or, you may be new. Either way, welcome! - we are seriously SO  glad that you’re here!!

We are Brave Embodiment Counseling, a small group practice made up of 14 therapists based in Denver, CO. Kim Massale, the founder & owner of Brave Embodiment Counseling, opened the practice in 2018 with a dream of supporting the women of Denver in stepping more fully into their power and magic.

5 + years later, the core of our mission is the same: We support & guide women in tapping into their potential & inner power by helping women heal from:

• Unresolved trauma

• Attachment wounds

• Internalized patriarchy

• Societal programming

• Religious trauma

In other words, we empower women to heal and break free from the limiting beliefs that are keeping them stuck and feeling small.

Currently, we offer virtual services that include:

• Individual Therapy (DBT, EMDR, Inner Child Healing, Somatic)

• Couples Therapy (Discernment Counseling, Gottman Method, Hopeful Spouse Coaching, Accelerated Resolution)

• Financial Therapy

• Spiritual Guidance

• Clinical Supervision

• Private Practice Building

We do this work because we know first hand how transformative it is.When we heal from past wounding we meet our true confident self who is incredibly powerful and when we are IN our power we can create & attract the life we are truly wanting to live - the one we dream of <3

Simply put, we love you and we want you to have your dream life because you deserve it, and we understand the powerful ripple effect of a woman who is in love with her life.

Feeling ready to heal, grow & expand beyond what you thought possible for yourself? We got you.

Visioning for 2024

We have the WHOLE year ahead of us! It's not too late to do some intentionally visioning for 2024. 

Not sure where to start? We got you.

Click the link below to complete a 10 minute guided, embodied meditation on connecting with & getting clear on the possibilities for you and your life in 2024!

https://insig.ht/hsbeFPOOYGb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share

Therapist Highlight: Sarah Sticha

Meet the multi-faceted,  inner-archeologist Sarah Sticha!

Sarah is a licensed professional counselor and certified health coach in Colorado. She is passionate about showing-up whole-heartedly, creating safe spaces for people  to be FULLY themselves and understanding the nuanced connections between intergenerational experiences, early childhood attachment, historical trauma and present day life.

Her clinical background consists of working therapeutically with survivors of domestic violence, high-risk youth, as well as, working as a clinical supervisor to graduate students pursuing licensure.

Sarah understands that true, genuine connection is the foundation for all positive change so she works collaboratively with you to create a safe space where you are able to explore the tender and unknown parts of yourself.

She uses a combination of somatic processing, EMDR, dialectics, gentle challenges and insightful questions to support your unique process toward healing & growth.

Currently, Sarah specializes in working with folks who...

• Always put others first and are starting to feel burnt-out/resentful

• Want to stop feeling trapped in their own life and relationships

• Mourn the younger, freer version of themselves and feel out of touch with spontaneity and joy

• Feel embarrassed, guilty, confused, or ashamed about how they are coping with stress

Sarah as a person↓

Personality: Thoughtful, Intuitive & Curious

Past Lives & Adventures: She used to be an archaeologist before changing careers and spent a year in her twenties working on a schooner sailing across the Atlantic Ocean where she was "fish-slapped" in the face by a flying fish one night while on night watch at 3am 

Foods: LOVES cheese & coffee 

Activities: Reading is her favorite way to come back to herself and she really enjoys hiking, backpacking and foraging for wild foods

Ready to meet Sarah or set intentions for 2024? Connect with me for support at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

Winter’s Embrace: Navigating the Dead of Winter

“It is all very well to survive the abundant months, the Spring and Summer, but in Winter we witness the full glory of nature flourishing in lean times. Plants and animals don’t fight the winter. They don’t pretend winter isn’t happening and attempt to carry on living the same lives that they lived in the Summer. They prepare, they adapt, they perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through. Winter is a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources and carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight. But that’s where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but it’s crucible.” - Katherine May

“In the depth of Winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible Summer.” - Albert Camus

Embracing Winter

Even though Spring is almost here, we still have another few weeks of winter. According to Ayurvedic philosophy, we are smack dab in the middle of Kapha season, the period of late winter and early spring.

Kapha is one of the three doshas, or, bioenergies. It’s associated with the elements of earth and water, embodying qualities such as heaviness, solidity and stability. In terms of the body, Kapha season may manifest feelings of sluggishness, lethargy, congestion, as well as, weight gain, water retention and a tendency to feel more emotionally attached or stagnant. 

Winter is a good time for introspection and reflection. The long nights and shorter days provide an opportunity to turn inward, contemplate life and evaluate goals and priorities. Because of the cold temperatures and inclement weather, Winter can lead to a sense of isolation and withdrawal. Some people find solace in spending more time alone, while others find this time of year incredibly challenging for various reasons like seasonal affective disorder (SAD) or finding it difficult to slow down, relax, rest and restore.  

How has this winter been for you?

If you are someone that finds Winter challenging, you are not alone. We live in a society infused with hustle culture, a mindset that glorifies constant busyness and the relentless pursuit of productivity and success at all costs. Despite Winter pulling on our mammalian systems to slow down and turn inward, the patriarchy and its best buddies capitalism and hustle culture don’t let up this time of year. 

If you’re someone who’s burnt out and OVER the demands of hustle culture, it may be time to learn how to embrace Winter. When we embrace winter we honor what our bodies, minds and souls truly need and we get the bonus of smashing the patriarchy in the process! 

Check out the next section with journal prompts to help you get started uncovering your inner blocks to fully embracing Winter, rest and rejuvenation.

Blocks to Rest & Rejuvenation

Journal Prompts:

• How is it for you to relax and rest? What tends to happen when you try to relax or rest?

• When was the last time you remember truly relaxing and feeling settled & rested? Write out a few sentences about that time.

• How are you feeling right now as you focus-in on these topics? Describe the sensations and emotions in your body.

• When did you first learn about productivity? Who did you learn it from?/How did you learn about it?

• How and when did staying busy and being productive become so important?

• What are you afraid might happen if you really let yourself relax & rest?

• “If I am not always being productive, then __________________” 

• “If I am not always busy, then _______________________”

• Fill in the blanks as many times as you need to with your various fears

• To get at the underlying limiting belief connected to these fears you can go a step further and ask: “Say that’s true, then what does that say about me as a person, that I am ________________”

• Ex: “If I am not always productive, then I’m lazy. Say that’s true, (that I’m lazy), then what does that say about me as a person, that I am not worth much (I am unworthy).”

Therapist Highlight: Lindsay Fahey

Meet the dazzling Lindsay Fahey.

Lindsay is a licensed mental health provider in Colorado and New York. She is passionate about working collaboratively with others and the physiological & neurobiological underpinnings of mental health.

Lindsay has training in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), emotion focused therapy (EFT tapping), EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy) and solution focused therapy.

By integrating these different healing modalities↑ Lindsay works collaboratively with her clients to help them regulate their nervous systems and learn skills for working through and releasing painful emotions. 

Prior to joining the team at Brave Counseling, Lindsay worked in all levels of care including crisis, hospital, inpatient, outpatient, residential and private practice. Lindsay has worked with a variety of folks including kiddos, adolescents, college students, adults and those facing end of life concerns AND she has a sub-specialty in substance abuse.

Lindsay brings curious, empathetic, patient and understanding energy to her therapeutic work. She truly believes that we all do the best we can with what we have at different points in our lives and that humans are also capable of healing, learning & growing.

Lindsay specializes in guiding folks to...

• Explore their own definition of success outside of traditional society

• Their true selves or living in a really authentic way

• Create deep, lasting change in their lives by providing support, validation and challenge

Lindsay as a person ↓

• She moved to CO from the East Coast and found she truly loves hiking and other various outdoor activities

• She tends to spend her time training for fun runs or charity races in different parts of country or pet-sitting for friends and co-workers

• She enjoys good coffee, pizza & ice cream and likes to create playlists based on what her clients are listening to so feel free to send your song suggestions her way!

Ready to meet Lindsay and shake off the cold of winter? Connect with me for support at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

Goodbye 2023, Hello 2024

Hello Brave Community! 

We made it! We have arrived at the end of 2023, can you believe it?! For us, this year has felt simultaneously fast and slow. 

In this human life we go through SO MANY cycles - death & rebirth cycles, menstrual cycles, circadian cycles, 24 hour clock cycles, moon cycles - the list goes on! The ending of a year can be a great time to intentionally close a cycle and in order to begin a new one filled with clarity and intention. 

Before we can set our intentions for the New Year we must process, release and say goodbye to 2023. 

And let’s be clear - it’s easier to set goals and vision for what we want than it is to look at where we’ve been, to actually feel into our bodies and our hearts what’s lingering and what’s feeling stuck or stagnant. AND, it is SO necessary to look back and feel all the feelings that didn’t get a chance to fully process so we can make space for the new wishes and goals to come alive in 2024.

So, grab your journal and favorite pen and head to the next section to begin your end of the year ritual. We are right here with you <3

End of Year Journal Ritual

1. Set Your Space - We know it may seem silly or insignificant, but being intentional about how your space feels as you reflect & journal is PART of the ritual. Do your best to set your space in a way that you feel seen, held and at ease. The more comfortable you feel, the more communication you will receive from your inner system.

   • Ideas for setting your space: Find a private space, make a calming or favorite beverage, light a candle, set up pillows & blankets, set your lighting in a way that feels good, open up a window and air the room out to bring in fresh new air and help you find clear state of mind. What else would help you feel seen & held in this process?

2. Grounding Practice - Take a moment to center & ground yourself in your body. Click the link here to be guided through a 90 Second End of Year Review Embodiment Practice. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1YGhL4Mhiv/

3. Journal - Grab a blank page or your journal and at the top write “2023 was…” and then write down one word, or a short concise summary, about the overall feeling that is lingering here at the end of 2023 for you.

Then, complete the following journal prompts:

• What sensations & energy can you notice in your body right now as you reflect on the past year? Write down any and all body sensations.

• Reflect on the word or phrase you wrote at the top of your page. Is this phrase free from bias? Are there any old stories or narratives from the past you need to let go of?

• What was the most challenging part of 2023 for you? What made it challenging?

• What are the biggest or hardest lessons you learned this year?

• What were the best parts of 2023 for you? What made them so good?

• What were the risks you took this year? What made them happen?

• What life lessons were you able to accept and integrate in 2023?

• In what ways have you grown, changed or progressed this past year?

• What can you do today that you didn't think was possible a year ago?

• Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life this year?

• What was your most loving service to someone or something?

• What is your unfinished business from this year?

• What else do you need to do or say to be complete with this year?

Intuitive Intention Setting for the New Year

Intuitive intention setting involves creating a vision from the INSIDE OUT…discovering what YOU truly want, not what you feel like you SHOULD be doing. It also involves keeping your focus on the actions you are willing to take to get to where you want to go vs. focusing solely on the outcome.

Take a moment here and now and center yourself in your body. 

Close your eyes if that feels okay and let your mind go. 

Let your mind bring you 1-3 things you’d like to focus on or experience in 2024. 

Do your best to accept whatever comes, whatever form it comes in - it may be words, images, emotions or body sensations, it may be more of a felt sense. 

Write down those one, two or three things and begin to get curious about how you want to commit to showing up in 2024. What is the tone, vibe or energy you will need to bring in order to embody your intentions?

Ready to take the jump? Connect with me for support at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

Death and Rebirth

“WE ALL BEGIN THE PROCESS BEFORE WE ARE READY, BEFORE WE ARE STRONG ENOUGH, BEFORE WE KNOW ENOUGH; WE BEGIN A DIALOGUE WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS THAT BOTH TICKLE AND THUNDER WITHIN US. WE RESPOND BEFORE WE KNOW HOW TO SPEAK THE LANGUAGE, BEFORE WE KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS, AND BEFORE WE KNOW EXACTLY TO WHOM WE ARE SPEAKING. ”

— Clarissa Pinkola Estés Women Who Run with Wolves

Birth and death cycles are central to the stories in Clarissa Pinkola Estés’s “Women Who Run with Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype.” The stories in the book are nourishing to the female soul and express the deep importance of birth and death cycles throughout life. The shedding of the old to make space for the new and better, more fit. 

And January seems to be all about death of the old. Many of my clients and friends are going through major life changes right now, the death of something BIG! I find myself in the same energetic. The female collective energy is clear and decisive - death of something (a relationship, a substance, a job, etc) that is no longer serving us. 

Each of us knows what we need to release, we know it no longer fits in our expanding more spacious soul space. Yet, we fear the action that will forever change our lives. Why do we continue on this path of limitation when it is so clear what we need to do, there are no alternatives. Fear holds us back. Fear of change, fear of being alone, fear of not knowing how, fear of the unknown. 

And we cannot go on like this. It is time for a change and so we will jump in, now. Shaking like a leaf and ready to jump off the high dive! Deep down there is a sense of calm at your core. You know you are making room for something or someone that better suits you. You know at your very core that this is the right step. You are ready to face the unknown and possible challenges that may lie ahead. Trust your intuition. Everything will work out in time and in the end you will be on your higher journey - a step closer to your highest self. 

Ready to take the jump? Connect with me for support at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. 

What is Somatic Psychotherapy?

Somatic psychotherapy is grounded in the belief that the mind and body are intimately linked and therefore both must be considered to be mentally healthy.

In other words, somatic psychotherapists believe that, in order to understand one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, one must also understand what is happening in the body.

In recent years, somatic psychotherapy has focused on the impact of traumatic events on the mind and body. It is believed that past trauma can become stuck in the body, leaving survivors with a host of physical concerns such as chronic pain, gut issues, and even autoimmune disorders. 

Somatic psychotherapy isn’t just used to treat trauma though, it is also used for:

-anxiety

-depression

-grief

-chronic pain

-sexual dysfunction

-addiction

What to expect in a somatic psychotherapy session:

Depending on the therapist, somatic therapy may look different. However, there are some techniques that are widely used in somatic psychotherapy sessions including:

-mindfulness

-grounding exercises

-meditation

-breathwork

-gentle movement

-yoga

By using techniques such as the ones mentioned above, you will gain a greater sense of your own body, explore emotional and physical concerns, achieve greater emotional regulation, and move past the things that are keeping you stuck. 

For those looking to process traumatic experiences, therapists will frequently guide you to safely revisit the traumatic event to release emotions and sensations that have been stored in the body since the incident(s).

If you are interested in learning more and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.

Self Worth by Mallory Burggraaf

By: Mallory Burggraaf

Self worth is a topic that we all struggle with from time to time. We all lose sight of ourselves and our connection to self at some point in our life. From a young age we are taught in various ways to not trust ourselves, to trust the external, to receive external validation to prove our worth. This has left all of us confused, uncertain and detached from self. The truth is there is nothing we need to do to "fix" ourselves to become worthy. We don't have to achieve, better ourselves, fix ourselves into a version that is finally love-able, acceptable, worthy. The truth is that we are inherently all of these things. We just forget this inherent truth along the way. 

We search for reassurance, love, value, worth- in others, in things, in the external world. There is nothing bad or wrong about this, we all do it, the issue is that when we seek meaning or worth about ourselves in others or the external world we will constantly find ourselves disappointed or feeling like we have to hustle to prove our worth. Because when we allow external things to define us we give our power away. We allow others to be the determiner of our reality. This can be a very dangerous thing because people change their minds, people have their own wounding, and ultimately, we are the only person we go through our entire life with so we are who truly knows ourselves the most and who is the true expert on ourselves. 

This may resonate or feel confusing, annoying, frustrating. Whatever emotions arise in you as you read this belong. To consider looking within for self worth and trusting that we are inherently worthy can feel so vast, so unknown, so uncomfortable. I truly think learning to love ourselves and trusting our inherent worth is some of the most difficult, meaningful, and bravest work we will do in our lives. 

There is no right or wrong way to begin this work. We simply just have to dare to begin to strip away the lie we've been sold that others define our worth, the lie that we have to hustle to prove our worth, the lie that external things define or can take away our worth. We have to dare to trust that deep down a part of us already knows and trusts that we are inherently worthy, love-able, good. As we begin to see, interact with, and build relationship to this part of self we can begin to understand, believe, and come to rely on this inherent truth. 

So how do we get to know this part of self? By going inward. When we go inward we are paying attention to our internal experience vs. always looking to others to orient us. We are noticing what is alive and present in us in this moment. When we start to shift our attention inward, we get to know ourselves more, we notice what is happening in our system and what the language of our body is saying to us.

As we go inward we start to realize that we are the holders of truth we seek externally, we have all the salves to our wounds, the nurturing to soothe our system. It can feel scary to go inward when we've spent a lifetime seeking safety and approval externally. When we begin to turn inward we see how we've abandoned ourselves so others can define our worth/value. But to dare to go inward means we are showing up for ourselves, willing to create and nurture and cultivate a relationship to self where we are grounded and rooted in self instead of feeling like we have to run from self to be ok. When we turn inward we show up for ourselves, we learn ourselves, we say I’m sorry for leaving but I'm here now and I’d love to get to you know, I’d love to build a relationship with you, I’d love to be at a place where we can grow to trust and love and rely on each other. 

Cultivating a relationship to self may feel awkward or scary at first but if you are willing and daring to turn inward, to see what’s there that’s dying for you to give it some attention, your body, your system, your abandoned parts will start to speak to you. They’ll start to tell you what they need to feel safe and heard. 

As we build relationship with self we not only experience self worth, self love, and sense of self increase but we no longer have to question it or seek validation externally. We trust we are worthy because we are taking the time to show up for and attend to our needs. When we do this we no longer have to live out of fear. A whole world opens up. We get to experience a relationship with self that starts to feel free, accepting, trusting, safe, loving. We get to commune daily with that part of us deep down that already knows we are worthy just as we are. We get to come to know this part of self as an anchor, that can always ground us, no matter the situation. We get to feel safe and resourced enough to show up for the wounded parts that need our love and attention to heal.

So thank you for being here, thank you for coming to this page and reading these words. It shows that there is a part of you that knows this can be possible for you, that is interested in learning how to accept and care for self and it is this part of you that led you to read these words. Maybe give that part of you a little attention, notice how it shows up throughout your life in big or seemingly small moments to guide you back to the truth that you are precious, valuable, a gift to this world, joyful, intelligent, brilliant. Perhaps practice being curious around the idea that this very part of you that brought you to read about this topic is the exact teacher, guide, expert you need to teach you how to start to build a relationship to yourself, guide you back to trusting your inherent worth, and to start to experience what it feels like and how to truly accept and love yourself. It is through the building of this relationship you will experience joy, truth, love, freedom. You are so worthy of all of these things.

To connect with Mallory for a free consult or about this blog, email her at mallory@bravecounseling.com

Are You Really Connected to Your Body?

Like most of us who choose to live in Colorado, I’m sure you value getting outdoors and exercising. And you likely believe you are in tune with your body. However, there is a difference between being in tune with your physical body and being attuned to the emotional cues your body is telling you.

Do you ever notice what happens to your body when you feel anxious or sad? Do you know how your body cues you that you are repressing a feeling or feeling ashamed? Do you respond to the cues your body is sending you or do you stay in go mode or numb out instead?

We are not taught in school or as children in our family environments the importance of listening to our bodies. Yet, our bodies are powerful truth-tellers.

As a college student, I went through a period of intense anxiety. I didn’t know what was happening to my body and the slightest trigger (and sometimes seemingly no trigger at all) would send me into a panic attack. At first, it was just confusing and random bouts of anxiety. Then I began to be afraid of the anxiety and would anticipate the anxiety so intensely that I would send myself into an anxiety attack for no reason. It took me several years of working with therapists to find one that helped me to slow down and finally LISTEN to my body. I worked with her to begin to understand my body’s unique pattern of anxiety and then how to respond to my fear through my body and settle back down to a state of peace.

Fast forward to my late 20s, I began working with women as a psychotherapist and training in body-based methods for healing. During this training, I began to learn about the subtle and not-so-subtle ways we hold ourselves based on our experiences in life and how we defend ourselves against pain in relationships. AND how our bodies hold unresolved trauma and can be the agent for healing old traumas. I learned during this training that I, the woman who had been a dancer her entire life, who did yoga, rock climbed, and was at times in her life, hyper-focused on sensations of anxiety felt in her body, knew very little about the way I held my history, fears, and relationships in my body.

Turns out that my shoulders live in a state of forward motion because I defend against my fears of worthiness through hustling and “go-mode.” My belly and rear stick out a bit because I hold a defense of being “cute” in my body to give off the non-verbal message that I am immature and need help navigating the world. Oh, and I lock my knees because there is a part of me that feels like a burden!

Of course, these were startling discoveries for me. I had thought I was attuned to my body. I knew how to not push myself too hard exercise and avoid getting hurt. I knew what foods my body preferred. I knew how to exchange my weight and match my weight with a partner while dancing. I knew how to calm my body down from a panic attack! I knew how to respond to my body to prevent panic attacks. But this was new. I learned how my emotions and soul’s path were showing up in my body now. Now, I could begin to heal the deep fears and pains that held me back from healthy and long-lasting relationships. Now, I could release fears that held me back from feeling worthy of love and acceptance and belonging.

Turns out there was a lot of information my body was waiting to share with me about my fears and defense against these fears. Since then, I have started listening much more closely to my body. I have learned to hear the cues and respond to my body’s needs on a deeper level. I am now able to follow my body to wellness and my soul’s true path. I hope you will too start to reach beyond just the physical experience of exercising or the surface of knowing your body and begin to examine what your body can tell you about your fears, needs, hopes, and dreams.

If you are interested in learning more and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.

5 Reasons to Invest in a Great Therapist

I meet with a lot of women seeking therapy. And I myself have seen quite a few therapists and healers in my lifetime. I know what a great therapist looks like and the difference between working with a therapist that skates along with traditional Freudian techniques and their graduate school education. I also know what it means to invest in your own healing process. Here are 5 reasons to work with a Great Therapist instead of wasting time and money on a not-so-great therapist.

1. GREAT THERAPISTS CAN RELATE TO HOW IT FEELS TO BE A CLIENT 

Being a great therapist takes even more work than being the client in therapy. On top of doing your own healing to avoid rehashing your own history with clients, you have to be present and guide your clients. The great therapists out there have all done their own work (and continue to do their own work throughout their lives) and know what it is like to sit in your seat. That means they will not judge or criticize. That means their Stuff won't get mixed in and confused with your Stuff. That means they can be there for you 100% and not get distracted by their own Stuff or project onto you. That means they understand humility and pain and more importantly, HEALING. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to work with someone that has done their own work. Don't be afraid to ask if your therapist has been to their own therapy or done their own healing work.

2. GREAT THERAPISTS HELP YOU HEAL FASTER

Great therapists do advanced training, beyond their graduate school education. That means they are educated in more cutting edge methodologies for helping you in the healing process. Thus, they have learned how to help you heal more quickly, more effectively and with more ease. They know about the latest research in the field and understand aspects of healing such as the fact that trauma and attachment wounds affect everyone and the effects of trauma and attachment wounds can look suspiciously like mood disorders and ADHD.

3. GREAT THERAPISTS SEEK HELP TO LEARN MORE AND GROW

Great therapists also get great supervision over the course of their careers, meaning they check themselves and seek help when they need to learn about something new. If a great therapist needs to work out a concern coming up from a client about the nature of their work, for example, a great therapist will consult someone that can help them. If a great therapist is not knowledgable about a particular concern of a client, the therapist will either consult a mentor/supervisor or will refer that client to another great therapist that specializes in that concern.

4. GREAT THERAPISTS HELP YOU HEAL - PERIOD!

Traditionally, therapists have been trained to help clients learn new insights about themselves, to make the unconscious conscious. This awareness is the first step to healing but it is not the last. If left at the stage of awareness, you will end up simply spinning your wheels. The next step is healing. You also need aid in unpacking old patterns and learning new ones. Finally, you will need assistance in integrating new beliefs, learning to vision and thrive! People can get stuck in any of these spaces and may not have ever learned how to vision or thrive. Great therapists help clients heal from attachment wounds and trauma, not just know what patterns they are stuck in because of the trauma and wounds. Additionally, great therapists allow for clients to experiences many of the missing needs they have from their childhood wounds, such as not been seen, heard, to play, etc. because the therapist can show through experientials in the sessions what that need being met (by the therapist or client) looks/feels like. This repair allows the client to then "reparent" themselves and internalize the need being met by themselves. 

5. THEREFORE, GREAT THERAPISTS DON'T LET YOU WASTE YOUR MONEY

A great therapist will help you heal much more efficiently. If you feel you are just spinning your wells in therapy or are not getting beyond the insight, don't be afraid to move on. You are paying for healing therefore, should be healing in therapy! It is worth the investment. Most great therapists do not take insurance because of the hassle and restrictions involved with taking insurance. Thus, you may have to pay more per session. But if you think about the years of therapy you could be sending a smaller fee (5 years of a $50 copay = $12,500 and no healing) versus a much shorter time period of ACTUAL HEALING (1 year of a $150 fee = $7,500), there is no comparison. Often you can even get a portion of out of network therapy sessions reimbursed by your insurance company. 

Essentially, I hope you will learn from me. I spent 10+ years in not-so-great therapy for a range of fees between $20 copays to $100 sessions and got nowhere = upwards of $20,000. And then one great therapist for 6 months at $250 a session and all the healing. I don't feel like I ever will NEED to return to therapy based on those 6 months of work. Please don't waste your time and money like I did. 

If you are interested in learning more and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.

Part Two: Why do I still feel like a screw-up even though I am successful?

What can you do about feeling like you are a screw-up when you know logically you are successful, bright, may have a good relationship or home life? 

One way to work through this negative belief pattern is to process the source of the negative belief. By negative belief, we are talking about the belief that you are a screw-up when logically you know you are not. 

Step 1. Identify how you would like to feel instead

I imagine you would rather feel that you are good enough or even great just the way you are, that you work hard and are equal to everyone else - no better, no worse. So you know the belief you have and the belief you would like to hold instead. 

Step 2. Feel into how this belief shows up in your body

Where is it, how does it feel, what does it look like? Consider making some artwork or journaling about it. 

Step 3. Allow the belief to bring you to its source and purpose

Follow your body to point you to insights and inner-knowing about where it started, who taught you that you are a screw-up? Who shamed you to encourage you to be motivated to work harder or be a certain way? What does this belief do for you? Does it motivate you? 

Step 4. Imagine the belief in your body softening into a younger you

Visualize the belief in your body turning into the younger version of you that learned this belief. And begin to dialogue with this younger version of you. Make art about her and what she needs, what she is missing. Track what happens in your body and emotions as you connect with this younger part of you. 

Step 5. Provide the younger you with what she needs

Visualize and imagine providing that younger you with what she needs. Notice how she responds to having her needs met. Notice how it makes you feel now. 

Continue to provide yourself with the missing needs your younger self needed. Be deliberate about it and consistent for several weeks. Soon enough you will find yourself feeling more confident and nurtured internally. 

While this one exercise may not cure your pain of feeling like a screw-up, it can start the process. In my work with clients, we use this technique along with others to heal the pain clients are feeling now. With the relationship of a therapist guiding your process, you will benefit from the safe space, knowledge, and relational healing as well. These aspects of the therapeutic relationship accelerate your healing significantly. In my work with clients, I hold the energetic for them to heal as well. 

If you are ready to start owning your joy and stop the self-criticism and would like to work with us, email us for a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.

Part One: Why do I feel like a screw-up when I am a highly successful woman?

Many of my clients suffer from the false belief that they have to be a “good girl” to be loved. That you will be rejected if you get angry or make a mistake. I want to help unpack this false belief about relationships. 

Logically, you know that if you make a mistake it isn’t the end of the world, life goes on. This is often easier to deal with in a work setting and more difficult in relationship. Yet, you feel and belief that if you express anger towards your partner, he/she may leave you. Or that if you loose your cool, you will definitely be punished in someway or go into a deep self-shame response (lots of inner criticism and feeling guilty). 

When you make a mistake with a loved one, you feel “I am a bad partner/friend/daughter/sister” rather than “I made a mistake and am human, it is okay.” That you somehow need to be superhuman and never show sadness, anger or, god forbid, make a mistake. It feels like you must be a “good girl” to be loved by those you are close to, if you are a “bad girl” you will be rejected or punished - or must punish yourself to deal appropriate make up for the guilt you feel. 

So why is it so difficult to make a mistake without feeling extreme guilt and shame? 

I attribute this greatly to parenting, especially the parenting of the our parent’s generation. Though there is still quite a lot of growth needed in our generation, as parents to our own children, around healthy displacing and boundaries. 

As children, you were probably parented out of shame or guilt rather than strengths and positivity. Healthy parenting means UNCONDITIONAL LOVE + BOUNDARIES. You were probably given time-outs as a child. Our parents learned that when a child is not behaving, you put them in time-out to teach them a lesson. Therefore, motivating their good/bad behavior through shame and guilt. A little bit of guilt is important, but parents consistently and mainly through guilt causes a negative lifetime effect. It causes us to motivate ourselves through guilt rather than strength and resiliency. Just think, if you always motivated yourself through resiliency and strength, you would probably bounce back positively with every mistake, rather and negatively, with self-criticism and shame. And when we made a mistake, we would think “I did my best in that moment, I am human, and I will do something different next time I am in a similar situation” rather than “I am bad, I am a screw up, I deserve to be punished by others or punish myself.” While our parents had good intentions and did their best, they did not understand the effects of using shame and guilt as a behavioral motivation.

Another common issue that contributes to this false belief of needing to be a “good girl” is addiction and narcissism. You may have had a mother that had issues with addiction or narcissism. These issues may not have been overt or serious but were present. In these cases, as a child you internalize that you were the cause of your mother’s substance/alcohol use or lashing out behaviors. As an adult, you know this is not the truth, yet as a child, you probably had rituals or standards around being a “good girl” to keep your mother from drinking/using or lashing out. The reason for these “good/bad” beliefs as children is simple and profound. As a child, you idealize your parents because they are your caregivers and without them you cannot survive, therefore children actually see themselves as an extension of their parents. It is much easier for a child to blame themselves for their parents behavior than it is for them to see their parents as “wrong” as it would threaten their attachment to their caregivers. 

The next step is what to do about this…. we will discuss this next week! 

If you are interested in learning more and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.

The Narratives That Hold Us Back

This week I wanted to focus on the a topic that has been personally impacting recently. I want to focus on the stories we tell ourselves. How we limit ourselves and hold ourselves back with stories of shoulds and beliefs. And how we keep ourselves safe with these stories. 

Have you ever looked back at yourself in the past in seen how you used to falsely believe you were a certain way or were incapable to doing or behaving a certain way? For example, maybe in high school you strongly believed you belonged to a certain crowd and now realize how you were just putting yourself in a box to fit in more easily. Or how in college you identified with a trait that other people liked in you, you were the achiever or the party animal. Now you see that is just one way you can show up and be seen. 

On a smaller level, you may believe you suffer from specific limitations. Like you are not a multitasks or you are an introvert and fearful of social situations or you have to wait until this specific thing happens before you can be happy. All of these little lies keep us safe and comfortable as well as limit our potential. 

In most cases these stories are stories that were told in our childhood about our capacities, our identity, and our relationships. And in most cases, these stories are lies we continue to tell ourselves and don’t even realize we are doing it. Magically, when we decide to confront these lies, limitations and obstacles fall to the wayside and we suddenly grow exponentially! 

I will share some of my stories with you. I would love to hear yours in return. 

As a teen I believed I was undesirable. Secretly, I also narcissistically believed I was so desirable boys were intimidated by me (due to idealistic praise from my mother). Neither of these beliefs were true. Yet, I operated under the first, fearful of owning my desirability. This story, that no one desired me became a self-fulfilled prophesy. I seemed desperate for attention from boys yet standoffish and fearful. It was not until I dropped this story (both conflicting stories really) that I began to enjoy dating and meet a lot of guys that were interested in me. 

As a young adult, I secretly believed that I had to have a successful marriage by fixing my spouse. Yet, would not work on the issues I brought to the relationship, which were admittedly much less serious than my spouse’s. Though had I worked through my own codependency, I would have easily left the relationship in search of a healthier life. 

As a professional, I both believed I was small and very capable. Yet my fear was what grabbed hold. I held on to the perfectionistic side of the story, that I was not good enough to work in private practice. I felt anxious and almost paralyzed going into each session when I started. I would talk to my supervisor about my fears of not being good enough. The shoulds would return to me daily. It was not until I began seeing the humanity of imperfection that I began to let go of this story, that I had to be perfect to be a good therapist. When I began accepting that my imperfections were what made me a good therapist, that is when I began to flow as a therapist. 

Today I invite you to consider the stories you tell yourself. The black and white thinking that keeps you stuck. Or the fear stories that hold you back and keep you in the comfort zone. How are you limiting yourself?

Want to read more about the stories we tell ourselves? Read "Rising Strong" by Brene Brown! 

Interested in working with me as a therapist and you would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact me at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. I work in person in Denver, CO over secure virtual video calls.

I Kick Ass at Life (except this one part....)

A collective theme is in the air. The energy is swirling around women who feel not good enough because of some aspect of their lives that is underdeveloped. For some women it is about dating or relationships, for some, it is about learning to enjoy life without substances, for some, it is knowing and being seen for their strength, for some, it is about starting a family, and for some, it is about owning their career. 

The shame about these perceived weaknesses is palpable in my work with women. Often my clients are minimally aware of the shame in the room with us. Yet, it looms over the two of us, blocking progress and keeping them down and stuck. Like an abusive partner, telling us we are already not good enough, why bother trying, there is no way we could ever do any better. 

And this shame monster holds us captive, paralyzed. 

The thing is, shame is coming from our own body, soul, and psyche. We do this to ourselves. There is no abusive partner, no one holding us back other than ourselves. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we getting in our own way?

The trouble is shame is elusive and meta. It is the feeling we feel about the feeling. And often is it what keeps us from turning anger into action. We are taught as children about the basic emotions: sadness, anger, excitement, and happiness. But we are not taught about shame. Shame feels like heavy. Shame feels like warmth in our head and knots in our tummy. Shame keeps us immobilized. 

Check it out, think of a time in your past when you felt ashamed but did not want to share it with anyone because you felt different. Remember how you kept it to yourself? Remember how it kept you paralyzed and afraid someone would find you out? Remember how you tried to forget about it? How was it resolved?

Next week we will discuss how we come to these perceived deficits or weaknesses. Today, let’s start by taking an action step to release the shame. 

Today I am challenging you to share your shame with one trusted friend. The only way you will recover from this shame monster and take forward movement is by not isolating in your pain and fear. It could be a close friend, family member, or therapist. You are not alone, everyone has perceived deficits or weaknesses. Explore with your trusted confidante how keeping this to yourself affects you. 

For more on the topic of shame consider reading Brene Brown’s books: “The Gifts of Imperfection,” “The Daring Way,” and “Rising Strong.”

If you are interested in learning more and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.

Feeling Alone in Your Pain

You know logically that you are not the only one who struggles with X. Yet, you feel so isolated in your pain, like you are the only one to ever experience X. It feels like no one gets it, no one has been through it, no one knows how to help you get through it. 

When you feel this pain, it is often a signal that you need to talk more about your struggles and more honestly. It does not mean you dwell, but it does mean accessing the strength to be vulnerable with your close friends and share your true story.

Why is holding you back from sharing your true story? Did you cheat? Do you feel ashamed of the way you behaved? Do you feel like people will judge you or won’t get it? Jot down your fears about sharing your story. Then jot down your story. 

Decide who you can trust with this story. Maybe you need to see a therapist or coach to start telling your story. Or maybe there are a select few you can talk with such as your mom or some close friends. Be brave and share your story with them. You can start with the easy stuff and then slowly ease into the tough stuff. Trust that those you love will love you regardless of your struggles. Those that judge are struggling with something in themselves and are not good confidantes for this time in your life. Forgive them for their own lack of capacity at this time and look elsewhere for support. Try to dedicate 60 minutes a week at least to talk about your pain.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you may trust too many people with your story or spend too much energy trying to talk it out with people. In this case, you will need to start a new strategy with your pain. Pick 3 people to discuss your struggles with and spend no more than 30 minutes a week with each person talking over the pain. Outside of these times, do not focus on it. Find ways to distract yourself and focus on what you are doing. Start new hobbies, plan new trips and get togethers with friends, start a new project, start a new class, whatever to keep you from dwelling. 

You are not alone. You will find people understand and can empathize. Trust that your gut can show you who is best for support. Trust that you will be supported if you put yourself out there. Your intentional energy will spark the healing process. 

If you are interested in learning more and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.