Change Happens Through Experience (not just talking)
Thinking your way to change takes a very long time. To quicken the pace of your healing, consider somatic and other more advanced types of modalities that bypass our intellectual defense systems!
The field of psychology has gone through many stages, fads and changes in the years since Freud. While many of the newer styles of counseling still refer to older theories such as Freudian or Jungian work, there have also been some dramatic changes to our understanding of what actually works in therapy.
What we know now that we did not know back in Freudian time is that change happens through experience. The brain is complex and involves different modes of function. Briefly, the brain has three major sections, the reptilian, mammalian, and prefrontal cortex. The reptilian is responsible for responding to danger and basic instincts. The mammalian responds to more emotional needs. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for our more evolved functioning such as talking, analyzation, abstract thought and consciousness.
This is important for us in terms of psychology and healing in that we need to respond to traumatic memory or wounds from our life through all areas of the brain, not just the prefrontal cortex. Historically, we have only tackled the prefrontal cortex - through talking about our troubles and experiences. While this is a piece of the work that needs to be done, it is absolutely not the whole picture. We also need to access and heal through the reptilian and mammalian brain.
How do we access these other two areas of the brain? Well because the mammalian brain is responsible for emotional functioning, we access through emotional focus. And with the reptilian brain, we must access the body and senses as an informer and healing agent. The repitiallian brain is linked directly to the nervous system. We check in with our struggles and goals and how they resonate in our nervous system (how our body responds). Once we access our body and nervous system, then we can truly heal through experiencing something different and allowing our nervous system to heal and then our brain to heal as well.
What does it feel like to heal through experience and the body rather than through talking? If you have ever been to talk therapy and felt you have gone in circles for years trying to work on the same issue, you know there has to be a better way. Think of when you had a powerful experience with someone that gave you permission to try something new or think differently, then all the sudden you saw life differently or began to release a limit you once had. Or think of a time that you cried or felt an emotion so deeply or felt a shift in yoga or meditation and all the sudden you changed in a way you couldn’t have even imagined was possible. That is what body focused therapy healing feels like. There is no touch necessary from the therapist, it is simply your own accessing of a level of depth in yourself much deeper and more healing than just talking.
Simply put, change happens more quickly and with more ease through experiences with the body.
If you are interested in learning more or would like to try out a body focused session, contact me at kim@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033. We work in the Denver and Boulder, CO area over secure virtual video calls.
Why Can’t I Just CALM DOWN?!
We are brainwashed into believing - especially with social media - that everyone is just fine all the time. The reality is that most of us are not, most of us - even those coming from privileged upbringings - are still dysregulated all the time. Here’s why.
Do you ever think “I am an adult, why can’t I just calm down?” Do you ever wonder why it can be so difficult to just let something go or stay calm in the moment? You know you SHOULDN’T get angry or nervous, but you can’t seem to control yourself no matter what you say to yourself.
The answer to this mystery lies in the brain’s functioning. It happens that there are actually several parts of the brain that control our responses. Disclaimer: This is a very simplified explanation of the brain. Essentially we first developed our brains as reptiles, then developed the mammalian parts of our brain, then the human. Both these older more primitive parts of our brain function just as our most evolved brain.
The older parts of our brain (the reptilian brain) function as danger response systems. Our brains may perceive danger as anything from a threat to our relationships, a predator attacking us, or loss of a job, etc. And it responds physically to this danger no matter whether the danger is physical or relational.
When the reptilian brain responds to perceived danger, it tends to hijack the other functioning of the brain. This means when your body responds to the reptilian brain’s danger alarm, it takes over to keep us safe - usually through fight (anger) or flight (anxiety). While the mammalian brain and prefrontal cortex are still running, they are not in our control. That is why we experience lashing out or obsessive thinking, often worrying.
The more evolved area of our brain - the prefrontal cortex can veto signals of danger. This is often achieved through practice of awareness and response to our bodily reactions (primitive brain’s response to danger). Over time, the prefrontal cortex more efficiently and effectively vetoes the brain’s chemical response to danger. Turning off the fight or flight response, allowing us to calmly and logically respond to challenges and stress.
This is a large component of the work I do with many clients, guiding them to respond and regulate their brains, bodies and nervous systems to most effectively respond to stress and challenges, especially when they are feeling triggered and unable tocontrol their mind body responses.
If you are interested in reading more on the subject, I recommend books and publications by Pat Ogden and Janina Fisher.
If you are interested in learning more and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.
The Truth About Thanksgiving & Honoring the Culture of Gratitude
The truth about the holiday we celebrate and how it impacts our community. And how we can both honor the culture of gratitude and the trauma our country’s native peoples have endured.
“...this idea of the gift-giving Indian helping to establish and enrich the development of the United States is an insidious smoke screen meant to obscure the fact that the existence of the country is the result of the looting of an entire continent and its resources.” - Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz
“The most fulfilled people are the ones who get up every morning and stand for something larger than themselves. They are the people who care about others, who will extend a helping hand to someone in need or will speak up about an injustice when they see it.” - Wilma Mankiller
Part 1: The Truth About Thanksgiving
Every story has many sides. When it comes to the history of Thanksgiving many of us were taught just one perspective, the perspective of the colonizer. We didn’t get the whole truth of what happened many years ago, so it’s important to take the time now to learn.
And we get it. You might be wondering what the history of Thanksgiving has to do with healing and growth work for women, but trust us it’s connected!
For many Indigenous Americans, Thanksgiving is a day of mourning and protest because it marks the arrival of colonizers and the centuries of genocide and oppression that followed.
The first Thanksgiving gets portrayed as this friendly harvest festival where Pilgrims and Indians came together to eat and give thanks. The truth is, the first Thanksgiving wouldn’t have happened if the Wampanoag People hadn’t helped the English settlers have a successful first harvest. Really, the gathering was more about honoring political alliances, diplomacy, and the pursuit of peace –sadly this mission of peace and the agreements and treaties that were signed were ignored shortly after the first Thanksgiving in 1621.
It’s easy for people whose ancestors didn’t experience oppression and genocide to say things like, “Let it go, that was 400 years ago!” but what gets missed is how trauma lives on in the body and gets passed down from generation to generation.
We can see that trauma and unresolved pain from our past present today - all we have to do is take a quick look around - so many of us are not well - we are stressed out, burnt out, addicted, depressed, anxious, etc.
Here’s how it all connects: the trauma from the past lives in ALL of us. Whether we like it or not, we are all swimming in the same soup - a post-colonial, patriarchal, racially-biased bisque.
Those of us who are White carry the trauma of inflicting violence, or passively watching violence be inflicted, onto other living breathing souls. Indigenous people (along with other people of color) carry the trauma of being lied to, enslaved, and killed.
As we embark or continue on our healing journeys, it’s inevitable that we will uncover intergenerational trauma living in our bodies. When we take the time to learn and integrate knowledge on this type of trauma it helps us identify it, work with, and release it which each person living on this Earth needs. We ALL need each other to release old pain and defense mechanisms that are getting in the way of us being our most loving, resourced, expansive selves.
So, thank you Brave Woman, for reading at least until this point and taking the time to unlearn and educate yourself. For further learning and unlearning, here are some great resources:
“An Indigenous People’s History of the United States” by: Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz
*if you can, pick up a copy at your local bookstore or library!
The Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian - https://americanindian.si.edu/ and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPEuQNp0nII
Courageous Yoga - 200 Hour Sacred Activism Teacher Training - https://www.courageousyoga.us/teacher-training
Section 2: Honoring the Indigenous Roots of Gratitude
The idea of giving thanks was and still is central to Indigenous people. Long before English settlers arrived, Native tribes across the land practiced gratitude as a way of life. They took time daily to appreciate not only the good things in life like family, community, and the riches of the land, but they also appreciated their struggles and lessons from Mother Nature - the things that challenged them initially but ultimately created growth making them stronger, wiser, and more loving.
As many of us have seen, gratitude has become a buzzword in the modern health and wellness space and it’s the theme most commonly associated with the month of November. Instead of hopping on the gratitude bandwagon because you’re hearing and seeing the word everywhere right now, we encourage you to slow down and honor the roots of gratitude.
The truth is, that gratitude is an ancient practice that has been appropriated. Gratitude is a way of being that Indigenous Americans truly embody. It’s not about making gratitude lists, or going around the table and saying one thing we’re thankful for, it’s much deeper than that.
To practice gratitude in a way that is honorable, effective, and powerful we must:
Understand & honor the indigenous roots of gratitude - this helps shift us from cultural appropriation into cultural appreciation
Learn how to embody it - meaning, we must feel the respect and appreciation in our bodies
Focus the energy of our gratitude toward WHO we have in our lives and HOW things have happened vs. what we have or own
Check out the following embodiment practice (10-minute guided meditation) to help you get started in a more honest & honorable gratitude practice.
Part 3: Embodied Gratitude Practice
In this "Embodying Gratitude" meditation, you will be invited to bring to mind an experience or a person that you are grateful for. You will be guided to focus on how that experience or person has contributed to your healing and growth and to locate and feel the sensations of gratitude in your body. This meditation is useful for learning how to embody the energy of gratitude so you can access it again in your life outside of meditation.
Embodiment of Gratitude - Guided Meditation: https://insig.ht/7jvlw7f0SEbutm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share
If you are interested in learning more and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.
How to Pick a Great Therapist
It is HARD to find a therapist who is a great fit. Here is a guide to finding one more easily and quickly!
At least once a week I go through the process of helping people find good options for therapists. It is very difficult to navigate the world of counseling when you are not familiar with it. And often you really need someone who is specialized in a certain way to really make progress. For example, I don’t work with couples, so when couples contact me, I refer out to other therapists who specialize in working with couples. So I decided for this week’s blog I would write a guide for finding a good therapist. Here is a step-by-step guide:
Decide if you want to use your insurance or not. If you have insurance, you can either go with a therapist that is mostly covered by your insurance (in-network) or you can use your “out of network benefits.” This decision will most likely be made based on what you can afford. Most often therapists that do not participate in insurance plans are sought after enough that they do not need to participate in insurance plans to get business or they prefer not to interface with insurance plans. Additionally, therapists who do not participate in insurance plans usually have a certain number of clients that they will see for a reduced or adjusted fee (sliding scale) based on your income level. Often the experience and expertise of the therapist is reflected in their rates per session.
IN-NETWORK - If you use an in-network therapist, the sessions will be covered aside from a copay. You can call your insurance company to find out what your copay for outpatient therapy is.
OUT-OF-NETWORK - Call your insurance company to find out what percentage of your fee they cover and what deductible you may have to meet before you receive reimbursement for sessions. Some insurance plans do not have out-of-network benefits. You will most likely file your own claims to your insurance company with receipts from the therapist. Then your insurance company will reimburse a portion of your fees.
PAYING OUT OF POCKET - Sometimes you will want to choose a therapist based on their expertise and will be willing and able financially to pay for the services even if you don’t have out-of-network benefits. Coaches’ services for example are not reimbursed by insurance.
SLIDING SCALE - Many therapists have several slots for clients who cannot afford their full rate and will adjust your rate to match your income
Specializations: Now that you have an idea of whether you will use insurance or not, start considering what types of specializations you need or want in a therapist. You may want to research some of these different specializations before looking up therapists. Here are some aspects to consider:
gender - would you like to work with a man, women, or LGBTQ clinician
focus on age - do you want a therapist that works exclusively with your age group
diagnosis - you may have seen a psychiatrist and know you have a specific diagnosis that you would like to work on. do you want a therapist who specializes in that particular issue
modality or training - would you like to work with a therapist that has a specific training or uses a specific technique. there are a range of techniques available to work in. Here are a few of my favorites, feel free to contact me for further recommendations about techniques:
EMDR - for trauma and very stuck patterns you can’t seem to stop
Art Therapy and Dance Therapy - especially helpful for children, trauma, geriatrics, and those who tend to be intellectuals and struggle to connect with more creative and intuitive living
Somatic Therapies - Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Hakomi, and Somatic Experiencing are all focused on integrating the experience of the body and mind to heal trauma and break through limitations and negative belief structures
DBT - great for suicidal ideation, self-injury, and emotional explosiveness
Gottman - for couple’s work
spirituality - would you like a therapist with a similar spiritual or religious background or approach
Zip code - In terms of actually looking a therapists up, here is how you do it:
go to www.psychologytoday.com and find the link for “Find a therapist”
put your zip code in and how far you are willing to travel from your zip code, you can always expand your search
put in the different details you are looking for in a therapist (as described above) and remember to put your insurance company in the search if you want to try to find a therapist that takes your insurance plan
Some advice from a therapist in your search:
Word of mouth versus looking up a therapist - It can be helpful to talk with friends and family about therapists they know as opposed to just starting from scratch.
Trauma-informed and attachment-based - I highly recommend you look for these buzz words in therapists’ descriptions of themselves and their work. These two terms imply that the therapist has had more recent and advanced training and is not still working from Freudian techniques
Don’t be afraid to shop around. It is a service, don’t be afraid to try a few therapists before deciding on one. And if you start working with someone and don’t think it is a good fit, tell them and switch to a new therapist.
See a therapist that specializes in the concerns you want to work on. Don’t waste your money on a therapist that works with everyone and everything or it may take years longer to work through the issue you want to work through.
Find a therapist that works in a strength-based approach and spends time on celebrating victories as much as they focus on processing issues.
Ask for a free consultation before paying for a session to see if it is a good fit.
Your therapist will prob recommend working together once a week to start. I recommend this as well. It is important to build a relationship.
Signs you are working with a great therapist:
They collaborate with you and don’t believe they know your life better than you know your own.
If you feel the therapist is shaming you or is overly biased towards your opinion consider moving on.
You should feel like your therapist gets you within the first 3 sessions. And that when he/she doesn’t get you, you can bring it up. Your therapist will never be perfect and you will need to be honest when they are off track.
You feel both nurtured and challenged.
You feel SAFE! If you feel uneasy and don’t feel comfortable bringing it up with your therapist, you may want to see if you feel the same with another therapist. This may be more about something you are dealing with or it may be about something you are feeling from the therapist.
Your therapist focuses on obstacles to your growth rather than diagnoses.
You feel inspired to come back even if it feels like hard work. You feel hopeful.
You feel your therapist is present with you.
You don't feel like you may be wasting your money.
Should you have more questions or want more advice about this process, you can contact us. If you are interested in learning more and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact us at info@bravecounseling.com. We work virtually with clients throughout the Denver and Boulder area and all throughout CO.
Welcome to Brave Embodiment Counseling
A little about our humble beginnings as a practice and walking our talk!
My name is Kimberly Massale and I am honored to share my deepest thoughts, opinions, and work with you. My vision for this blog is to provide information on healing and life from a psychotherapist’s perspective. I hope to share much of my own journey along with the knowledge I have learned in training to become an therapist. My highest intention is to show up energetically as generously as possible, to provide the public with the insight of a psychotherapist that has done her own work and continues to evolve daily. My hope is that you may benefit from the information I share.
I will tell you a little bit about what brought me here. I recently moved to the Denver, Colorado from the Washington, DC area. While we love the challenging intellect of the DC area, my partner and I needed a change of lifestyle after both living in the there for much of our adult lives. I grew up and lived in the area my entire life in fact. Though neither of us had jobs, we both knew we needed to heed the universe’s signs and take the risk to move. We drove cross country touring for about a 15 days and finally landed in Denver.
I have felt the shift of energy in my body after finally landing in Denver. I know I made the right decision to nourish my soul. The snowfall and mountains are confirmation. Much of my younger adult years, I felt an internal conflict between being me and being what others wanted me to be. I am after all a therapist for a reason, I can chameleon to adapt to what people expect of me. Though conforming is energy sucking and overtime, I realized the need to stand fully in my being and let my true essence be seen. So I followed my heart, switching from an engineering major to art, trusting my path would unfold if I followed my passion and gut. And then I found Art Therapy as an option for graduate school. That is when my life truly began to feel mine, like I a found my calling and I could really start to engage with life. I started to soar.
Meanwhile, I broached difficult topics as a client in many types of psychotherapy approaches. I worked hard to work through social anxiety, phobias, fears, and self-esteem issues. While I gained from these talk therapy approaches, I never really got traction. At times as a young adult, these issues were debilitating. I could not understand why I struggled so much, I had a very kind loving family that was always supportive. I had no trauma. There was literally no reason for me to have these issues. But I kept at it, continuing to walk my talk. If I was going to be a therapist, I had to do my own work to heal, no matter how long or difficult the process.
I met soul sisters in the Art Therapy world. One professor became a mentor. Post graduation, she suggested I work with Amy Tatsumi, a classmate of hers, for my post graduate supervision hours. My relationship with Amy would change my life. She gave me the permission to learn how to take space and heal. She put me in touch with her colleague to do long distance video coaching. This was the moment my life changed dramatically. I was going through a divorce at age 27 after an 8 year long relationship and had become very depressed. The coach was trained in a somatic approach (much like Sensorimotor Psychotherapy which I have since trained in) and “The Daring Way” which is the work of Brene Brown focused on shame resiliency. I started healing and changing.
I began learning that these traditional diagnoses given by psychiatrists, that still rule our psychology world, do not account for developmental trauma or even trauma properly. The relationships are not a part of the diagnostic process either. That these components of psychology are perhaps more important than the cubby holes of diagnostics we use. People are constantly misdiagnosed as having ADHD, Bipolar, Borderline, Depression, and Anxiety and their real issues are based on their early childhood experiences and relational patterns as adults. I learned that healing comes from exploring your interrelational patterns, somatic patterns, energetics, and faith.
And HEALING IS EXPERIENTIAL! You can’t heal without a reparative experience. You can talk till you are blue in the face about what you struggle with, what you want to change, and how you can’t change AND guess what, you won’t change by just talking about it. You have to experience something different. When I began to experience new ways of showing up in the world, that’s when my life changed for the better. I released depression, I released anxiety, and I could be fully seen as the true me.
This was over 10 years ago now. And since I have continued to learn and grow spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I am living the life I want to live now and know how to reach goals I have for myself. My energy aligns with my core essence. And I share healing with those I work with now.