Feeling Alone in your Pain


You know logically that you are not the only one that struggles with X. Yet, you feel so isolate in your pain, like you are the only one to ever experience X. It feels like no one gets it, no one has been through it, no one knows how to help you get through it. 

When you feel this pain, it is often a signal that you need to talk more about your struggles and more honestly. It does not mean you dwell, but it does mean accessing the strength to be vulnerable with your close friends and share your true story.

Why is holding you back from sharing your true story? Did you cheat? Do you feel ashamed of the way you behaved? Do you feel like people will judge you or won’t get it? Jot down your fears about sharing your story. Then jot down your story. 

Decide who you can trust with this story. Maybe you need to see a therapist or coach to start telling your story. Or maybe there are a select few you can talk with such as your mom or some close friends. Be brave and share your story with them. You can start with the easy stuff and then slowly ease into the tough stuff. Trust that those you love will love you regardless of your struggles. Those that judge are struggling with something in themselves and are not good confidantes for this time in your life. Forgive them for their own lack of capacity at this time and look elsewhere for support. Try to dedicate 60 minutes a week at least to talk about your pain.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you may trust too many people with your story or spend too much energy trying to talk it out with people. In this case, you will need to start a new strategy with your pain. Pick 3 people to discuss your struggles with and spend no more than 30 minutes a week with each person talking over the pain. Outside of these times, do not focus on it. Find ways to distract yourself and focus on what you are doing. Start new hobbies, plan new trips and get togethers with friends, start a new project, start a new class, whatever to keep you from dwelling. 

You are not alone. You will find people understand and can empathize. Trust that your gut can show you who is best for support. Trust that you will be supported if you put yourself out there. Your intentional energy will spark the healing process. 

If you are interested in working with me as a therapist and would like a free 20 minute consultation, contact me at kim@bravecounseling.com or 240-480-0152. I work in person in Denver, CO or over secure virtual video chat for those outside of the DC area. 

Kimberly Ottinger